If she had known it would come to this, she would never have started down the path. No, she didn't mean that, how could she when her own body had labored for 40 weeks just to manifest the point of beginning. 40 weeks! My god, and it had seemed like 40 weeks in the desert, the uncertainty about the decision, the excruciating doubts concerning her future, her family, her friends, how she would find a place in the world after she arrived on the other side of the waiting.
And then. At first, he had seemed so perfect, so beautiful. But he wasn't! No, he was. Everyone is perfect just as they are, and so with him. She sighed, and wondered how many times her mind would run through these thoughts before she would be able to release their toxic load to the universe, to let him just be without the pity of her doubting. It was just...the torment of his isolation, his suffering, and she just the observer, the beneficent observer, the goddamn observer!
Her lunch arrived and she hid her thoughts behind a polite joke, stuffed the guilt back down where it came from. This is my path, she thought. I have to accept it or I'll never survive what's ahead. She paused, pulled out her Blackberry. One o'clock meeting. Her mind shifted gears and she chewed thoughtfully, reviewing her presentation.
No comments:
Post a Comment